to change

i am so many different things but in one word i am a MESS.



right now i'm all over the place with no real sense of direction, no true sense of a place to belong.

i thought that by the time i was 21 years old i'd have at least a PART of my life figured out. i thought that i would be in my last year of school as opposed to almost starting over. i had hoped to be getting engaged ( i know i'm so "young" ) but i'm just about to hit 5year anniversary dating. i expected to be saving SOO much money but i'm barely paying my bills.

i feel like a failure as a daughter. i dont reach their expectations of what a mature daughter would be. i dont clean up everything. i dont wash every dish. etc.

i'm a failed optimist too. i used to see things in rainbows and smiley faces all the time.

but now i'm just a downer. i've found a reality in my warped vision of my life.

i want to change. but i want to make sure it will be for the better.

a promise to myself is a hard thing to keep because i'm just so damn INDECISIVE.

but for now i'll try.

i want and will try to change.

i won't waste cash on food, clothes, and books that i dont need.

i'll try to be more attentive to my parents' needs.

jeez. this is going to be a bitch.