*COPIED/PASTED FROM MY FACEBOOK NOTE.
For the most part, 2008 is absolutely THE shittiest year of my entire existence. Not necessarily the whole year was like this but I pretty much feel like half the year was like walking hand in hand with painful memories.
I AM proud though for having been able to actual MAKE it through til the end of the year because to be honest, there were so many times when I felt as though I'd have rather been dead than have to deal with everything over and over again. I took several incidents straight to the heart and blamed only myself. The last half of 2008 I spent a lot of time crying.
But with every thing else in life, I guess you gotta take it day by day. Pray to God, though I think I talk more than I do the formal praying. Most of the time in the middle of the night, when sleep fails to comfort me, I just talk out loud to God. And though I don't get actual conversation back, I feel better. I think one of the actual good things I got out of this year is about God always being there. I don't need a cellphone to text him or call him up. He never has a busy signal and he listens. Sometimes that's all you really need.
Something that I did do this year that I wanted to do (after reading last year's Goodbye07 blog) is somewhat accomplished but is definitely still an ongoing thing... "Forgive." After being burned by a few of my most trusted friends, forgiveness is hard to come by, especially when I've been here one/two/three? many times. Yes, I'm proud that I'm still around and literally didn't give up but I don't think I could ever take much more of this.
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
now i went and made myself feel all shitty. grr.
BUT - it's not like the WHOLE year was a waste kkay?
MY 2008 HIGHLIGHTS:
+ Working At DunkinDonuts (May07-July08)
+ Surprisingly, our Youth Sunday School (Jan08-April08): Got close again and it felt like back when we were younger without all the drama. Though, lately it just ain't the same. I did enjoy the youthness of our Sundayschools & of course, the XCLUESIV wknd @ Cranford/Edgewater)
+ NYC<3: iceskating at Rockefellar (Feb), saw the tree (5yearanni), ate at a fancy dressy place (MarriottMarquis), city date (March), MadameTussauds! (April), battery park with the cousins (May).. etc.
+ FINALLY catching on that SUSHI IS AMAZING. nomnomnom
+ UK to USA: my cousins from the UK came for AteLens wedding!
+ Feeling My Age: my21st, Disturbia, ColumbusDayWknd, GolfClubbin, etc.
+ LOL. MountainCreek. nuffsaid.
+ TRYING OUT FOR AMERICAN IDOL. damn proud of myself for that one.
+ Unitemp/ABP/MDI/Greenlight (July08-Nov08)
+ LOTS more time with Babe's fambam finally: birthdays, FourthOfJuly, my first time camping (July08), and roadtripping to NorthCarolina for THANKSGIVING WKND
+ MEETING KRISTEN STEWART & NIKKI REED of the TWILIGHT movie!
+ my FIRST/LAST clubbin (in america) experience: Deco=WACK haha but fun times gettin there
+ CELEBRATING 5 YEARS WITH ARCHIE, CityStyle.
okay. i feel better. haha.
YES this year hurt me, a lot. But I did come out with highlights.
BTW, I just finished reading Shopgirl by Steve Martin and I feel that this quote is quite a good wrapup to my year.. its at the end when Ray Porter is trying to apologize to Mirabelle for how he treated her..
Mirabelle: "Oh, no... don't... it's pain that changes our lives."
All in all, it is a definitive statement. Where else would the most change come from than in pain. You get hurt, sometimes it's overwhelming and you fall apart.. but it's when you get out of this mess that you find the much needed change.
So I agree..
It's pain that changes our lives.
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