Skinny Bitches.

so, for the most part, i get it okay? i gained weight. i used to not be a 'big' girl but now i am. BIG FUCKING DEAL.

and the thing is, most of the time, i'm pretty damn happy about the way i look. i get to eat what i want. my clothes still fit. and my boyfriend loves me no matter how i look too. my friends still treat me the same, though i get annoyed with them always saying "im so fucking fat" when they weigh about ten lbs. but that's life right? the skinny bitch always calling themselves fat and inadvertedly making me feel like ten WHALES but whatever. that's how the skinny rolls.

but then there are those fucking days when i hear my mother making fat jokes about me either behind my back or to my face and i wonder to myself, "Well, we all can't be SICK & THIN like you, ma."

i don't want to say those things out loud because it would hurt her and her blood pressure would go up and shit. she'd go to the hospital and then it's all my damn fault. this is why i don't go out or be the person i want to be. i stay home so you don't worry. i come home before eleven so you won't worry sick about me.

but WTH. am i supposed to just sit here and take it every fucking time? i mean, cmon now. i get it from the guy upstairs all the time (asshole) and it just makes my house a living hell.

seriously. am i supposed to be bulimic or anorexic to make my mom happy to have a skinnybitch daughter? REALLY? just so that i can fit in "better" clothes.

UGH. and you know what else pisses me off? former "fat" girls going skinny and then picking on other "big" girls. thanks, assholes. you used to look like me too remember? just because you changed your whole fucking image to get a guy makes you much better. good job ;D i'll remember when i'm throwing up it's thanks to your attitude. HIGHFIVE.

Studying.

Studying - the art of a student dying under school pressure

So it's back to school for everyone now. i know it's actually been going on for some time now but since i have yet to actually acknowledge it, let's call this my back to school entry ;D

I'm in my first semester of Clinicals (out of three) & I am kinda getting it.. but not really. What else is new right? My week consists of a 4day school schedule (Mon-Wed-Thurs-Fri) and a suggested Sat openlab. It's kinda hectic because there's 3 "subjects" (PTA 115, PTA 130, and PTA 251) but 115 & 130 have lab/lecture classes and 130 has TWO lab days. Complicated much? I'm still trying to get the hang of it with organizing the papers with different binders and book colors but that's not working out so well now either. GAH.

Today we had our first "Checkout" on Bony ID (PTA130) and I am unsure of if i passed or not. i'm not too worried if i have to take it again since i KNOW my bones on paper. i just have to concentrate on actually having the bone in front of me you know? We then had a pta115 quiz which i did not study for because of the checkout =X oops. i need to figure out some kinda time management slash encouraging self treatment.

Whatevers. I'm hoping to have a steady pace for myself with this blog to look back on for now. It should be good to read back again like i used to with my xangas.

hmmm.. maybe i should also do my 'blogs' in an organized matter no?

SCHOOL. its a work in progress.
WORK. unemployed.. aka BROKE.
FAMBAM. got em. love em. hate em. well, one of em.
LOVE. we're good. napping more =) lmao. we've found a way to have "alone time" (not the dirty way, you nasties) by me having an extra lab hour a week. haha. that's the only way i get to take a nap with him. i LOVE it cus it feels so.. "home". if that makes any sense.
whatidotoday? school. lovenap. played wii w/babes! i beat him 2x in his sonic game but then he beat me =( i gots mad but hey, got over it as well. Oh, and we had sushi for lunch which was YUM except for the fact they forgot my damn spicymayo.